Can I be honest with U? Brutally honest? Okay here goes, I am so afraid of going back to where I started 11 years ago. How many of us fear of going back in time where we lost everything including ourselves in decisions we made and people that we became involved with? Yeah, that is me too.
A little over 11 years ago, 2006 to be exact I became that single homeless PREGNANT mother going into my senior year of college. This isn't what I planned. Did U? I wanted to be a married woman when I became a mother, with a good job, and an amazing husband FAILURE NUMBER 1.
I had no job and a food stamp card that gave me less than $100 a month for food. Out of the stipend during my senior year that I received, I had bills to pay that left me with only $60.00 afterward. I used to think that because of what my parents had I would always be okay. It humbled me when I had to fend for my own and apply for food stamps. How do U do that? Will they approve me? How do use the card? Will it be enough? I didn't know how to use food stamps nor did I ever imagine that I would get so low in this point in life to ask for a handout. I felt entitled for my parents to help me to a degree and I was more ashamed to ask for the help, they earned their money now I had to earn mine and I learned the hard way. FAILURE NUMBER 2.
I had a -$3,000 in my bank account even after graduation and facing eviction, repossessions, and late bills monthly nothing seemed to go right. My parents showed me how to earn money but never really allowing me to understand it's value and I spent when I shouldn't have, signed up for credit cards that I didn't need, and when it came down to when I needed them I couldn't use them. I saw money as my way of life, a need rather than a want and my relationship to it interfered with my view of success, which is why I am NOW in my 30's just seeing it. FAILURE 3.
I USED to look at everything GONE WRONG as a failure until.... I chose to stop feeling sorry for myself that I started to see things turn around. I stepped out on faith. This wasn't an easy step as I missed more than a few times and even hit my head leaving bumps and bruises. I had to ask myself how long was I going to do the same things over and over again and get the same results? Seriously how long was I going to keep on in this self-destructive cycle. It was time and a must for me to do something different.
I have written my first book, Uncovering The New U, Change your mind Change your Circumstances and working on my second (2019) and Co-Authored in 3 projects. (ONE COMING OUT MAY 24, 2019) SOOOO EXCITED...
Had my first international speaking engagement in Dubai, then Paris, South Africa, and soon Tokyo and have spoken in 9 different states to a platform of 500 people collectively.
I went from having one Life Coaching Client to now having a Transition to Transformation School Dreamers University filled with over 15 clients present and past.
I increased my credit score more than 400 points when it was once 200.
I am no longer living in my car, I have a 5 bedroom home that is MINE (and my husbands) and a car that is ALMOST paid off.
And after being kicked out of Walden University with my masters, I am less than 7 months from being DR. SHENESIA EWING, PSYD!
For a woman struggling with depression have I done alright? When U stop giving yourself excuses, eliminate the noise around U, the people who do not care to listen, help, hold, and heal with U, and start showing up for U the life U desire will show up on its own. Don't give yourself excuses give yourself PERMISSION.
Despite still having a long way to go, I am NOT DONE yet. I am giving myself permission to not let anyone or anything get in the way of my Pursuit of Happiness! Remember U are nothing without U. U have to do the work that is required to get U where U want to be and go! What will U give yourself permission for today?