As I sit here in this photo at the Citadel of Erbil, Iraq I realized something; I had never lived my life according to ME. I had never lived my life based off of WHAT I wanted and HOW I wanted. That was a hurtful realization. I had always done things based on the desires and needs of others and forgot about ME. This left me feeling a little angry that I couldn't think of anyone that had done the same for ME.
I realized that I was missing some self-confidence, I didn't like my skin because of the acne scars, I didn't have a butt to make appealing to men, (well my husband found something in me). I didn't have any special talents, I couldn't sing,I can dance, however too shy to do it in front of others, I can't draw, I am not artsy or crafty; the list goes on.
I portrayed myself for years based hoping and praying that outside of being a complete spoiled brat and nerd that I would find something to call my own, instead of picking up the pieces of someone else. What is even more hurtful is that no one noticed that I wasn't being me. No one corrected my wrongs and continued to play along with me (well thats what I called it).
When I gave birth to my son someone said, "Own your circumstances Nesi, live in your truths it will help U to see why as a single mother it will help U to keep pushing." I had no idea what meant. Seriously...but as I grew mentally I wasn't truthful with myself at broken I was being a single mother and how that just added on to my cries inside for help to get out of the body I was in. I finally came to grips and said, "If U love U then others will too." People can't love U or treat U right if U don't even treat yourself right. And it was that easy to require more of myself and others when it came to me.
I understand that we must accept our truths for what they are. I am now humbled by the hand I was dealt in life, however I folded a few times and dealt the same hand until I made the conscious decision to take the cards and shuffle them myself to demand a new hand be dealt. If U are going through this right now, ALL BETS ARE OFF. No time to fold play the hand that U are dealt the best way U know how. ACCEPT IT, ACKNOWLEDGE IT, and OWN IT.... It is your truth and that i what makes U who U are. #LifeCoachNesi #IOwnMyTruths